For the last two weeks I was filled with fear for my marriage. I noticed that my husband and I were no longer close, and that I had no desire to become close to him anymore. I could see that it would take very little at that point for me to consider leaving him, even with the kids. Truthfully, the kids are the only thing that kept me home.
I had a quick talk to him about it last week. He was a little sad, paid attention to me for a day and then things went back to their distant ways. I realized that if he wasn’t going to try and make this work, that I wasn’t and we were headed for the big D. So I staged another big talk. On Saturday night I made him put everything aside and gave him the harshest details about my feelings. I didn’t sugarcoat anything. It felt so good to just be clear about everything. It brought him some tears. We talked all night about everything. I mentioned, again, how important it was for me to be able to consider a co-living arrangement with partners for the future. He has always been so against it, but this time he saw it differently. He actually told me that it makes sense! He likes the idea that it would all be integrated, that I would be home more often and we would all be more free to leave the house as there would be more people to watch the kids.
This was a pretty huge step for him. I worried that he was just saying it to appease me, to keep me. When asked later about his motivations he denied lying. He said that he really did see reason in it all. I mentioned this to A and he seemed to embrace it pretty immediately. He joked about moving into the porch or barn. Truthfully we would all have to move. It would be a very big step, but one that excites me. I would love to live with A. One has to also consider the pros to having a partner who lives outside the home, getting to escape home, getting to be louder, sexually, and that person having their own space and responsibilities not mixed with the family.
It would be a huge step for all of us. One that has to be talked about collectively, much more than we have been. It would mean that A would have to take more responsibility in the family. It would mean that A would be considered an equal partner. That might be tough for C to contemplate. It excites me though!
Another positive communication that was made recently (that clashes a little with this prior idea), is that A would like to find a woman to complete a triad with me and him. This was a really great idea to me! I want a GF, I realize this.But I hadn’t been letting myself think about it too much, until he mentioned this possibility. Now we are both searching for bisexual polymorous girls. Of course things are a bit more open for him finding a partner, but I think we have a pretty good chance at finding what we want,
Last week life seemed pretty dark and hopeless. This week things have changed radically. Sometimes you have to have the hard conversations, have to go through a tough time, to get to the rewarding solution. Honesty to yourself and others is the best policy.